Surprise, surprise, surprise. John Paxson successfully resisted impulses to field a good team, and has drafted yet again. Chicago fans are excited over yet more kids, and are throwing parties to celebrate their decade of dominance. Good luck with that. Now the fun starts, Pat Riley looking to deal and Herman Munster and the Pilsbury Draftboy waiting. That’s before addressing rumours that the Clippers traded up to #4 to draft the tenth best player in the draft.
7:45 Apparently the NBA has a WNBA game playing in the media room. No doubt in honour of the Lakers and the Lopez sisters. Miami, on the other hand, has selected Michael Beasley, putting the lie to all the trade rumours.
7:55 Well, Fred Munster drafted O.J. Mayo and it seems that the rumours about the Clippers trading into #4 for the tenth best player are indeed true. So, where does Mayo really end up? My money’s on Boston for Rajon Rondo & #30. (I can dream.)
8:05 It’s going to be Memphis, where O.J. will be converted into a second rate shooting guard. Pity. I had such high hopes for him. Leave it to the Pilsbury Draftboy to leave a trail of havoc wherever he roams.
8:10 The Knicks grabbed the Italian Scallion, and there was much rejoicing… by fans of the next five teams relieved of fears that their team would commit that bloomer. For some reason Jerryd Bayless is still in freefall. Maybe he’ll drop to Boston at 30?
8:15 And the Clippers draft Eric Gordon, their other rumoured target. As Seattle already has a shooting guard, it would seem that they grabbed Westbrook for themselves and the Clippers just passed over a point guard that they need.
8:20 Milwaukee traded away the BFCD, so they grabbed the Taiwan born Joe Alexander to replace him. Now they’ll still be on Beijing TV.
8:25 Apparently Jerryd Bayless ate onions for dinner and forgot to brush his teeth after. Or maybe he stepped in dogshit. Something caused Charlotte to pick D.J. Augusitn and leave a better player sitting on the board.
8:30 Brooke Lopez to New Jersey. Does this mean that they’re going to try and land her sister Robin and lure LeBron in 2010 with some hawt twincest action?
8:35 Jim O’Brien has a party in his pants now that the Pacers have drafted the point guard of his dreams.
8:45 Aaaaand we have our first “What the fuckle-doodle-doo was that all about?” moment. If you had offered Jason Thompson 8-1 odds this morning he still would have bet against himself in the lottery.
8:49 Portland goes for Brandon Rush. I’m speechless. Doubly so if Chad Ford’s rumour is true and Indiana is dealing Bayless for Jarrett Jack and #13 (Brandon Rush).
8:53 Anthony Randolph to Golden State, where he’ll have a couple of years to fill out his frame before they’ll expect anything out of him.
9:00 Phoenix is bound and determined to stage a Celebrity Flop Match before one of their games this year, and tab Robin Lopez to do battle with Raggedy Andy Varejão for the Heavywieght Intergender Flopping Belt.
9:05 Philadelphia goes for Marreese Speights. Sure he’s unmotivated, but he has a cool sounding name. And it’s official, the Pacers have traded a future all star point guard for the 42nd best point guard in the NBA and a Rush brother. It must be awfully frustrating to be a Pacers fan these days.
9:10 Proving that even a blind monkey can occasionally hit the litter box Larry Bird tabs Roy Hibbert, in possibly the first intelligent move since he took the team over. No fears, I’m sure we’ll hear before long that he’s traded Hibbert and Danny Granger for Tayshaun Prince.
9:14 Washington decided to go with a second generation baller, unfortunately they forgot that you don’t want second generation WNBA players. So Andray Blatche is going to take JaVale McGee under his wing. Hookers for everyone, baby! (ESPN really needs to hire us to produce an NBA reality show, the HoopsBoston Show would be family entertainment done right.)
9:20 We have our second “What the fuckle doodle doo was he thinking?” moment of the draft. Danny Ferry continues to show his critics that he’s every bit as good a GM as he was a player. Oh, yeah, Cleveland takes J.J. Hickson.
9:28 Michael Jordan is either trying to destroy his reputation as the GOAT or he’s really down with the “Jocks with sexually ambiguous names” movement because he just drafted Alexis Ajinca.
9:34 What does a team that already has the BFCD, Nachbar, and Nenad Krstic really need? That’s right! Another jump shooting forward! Has anyone told Kiki or Thorn that you need a backcourt too? Oh, before I forget, the Nets picked Ryan Anderson.
9:40 And we have our third “What the fuckity fuck fuck was that about?” moment of the night. Orlando, in desperate need of forwards takes Courtney Lee.
9:45 Utah makes a sensible choice and grabs Kosta Koufas. Sure, he’s not terribly physical, but he’s tall. And that’s something.
9:50 Sam Presti let us all down, with DeAndre Jordan sitting there on the board they go for Serge Ibaka instead.
10:10 I step away for twenty minutes to take a phone call from a bitter Pacers fan and we’ve had three “What the fuuuuuck?” picks in a row. Well, two since I already mentioned Presti’s pick. Master Batum to Houston and George Hill to San Antonio.
10:12 New Orleans tabs Darrel Arthur for Portland right out from under Boston, the bastards. We should beat them up. Unless it turns out that the kidney problems are serious, I mean.
10:20 The Pilsbury Draftboy tabs Donte Greene. That Pussy Galore trade is looking better all the time.
10:24 The Detroit Pistons just tabbed D.J. White, Boston fans now eagerly await the Celtics trade out of the first round, probably in a pick swap with Seattle so that the ‘Sonics can grab their annual bindlestiff.
10:40 The Celtics close out the round with J.R. Giddens, who is either a Clownshoes replacement or trade bait. I’m not sure which yet.
Comments are closed.